I miss you

I miss watching your eyes shift in uncertain patterns

I miss your waddling walk and bouncing gait

I miss seeing your soft skin and chubby, comforting body

I miss listening to your gleeful laugh when you delight in annoying me like a mischievous child

I miss your solemness as you wrestle with the darkness

I miss feeling your star, a permanent remainder of pain cut deep

I miss your silence and wondering about the ocean in your head

I miss pushing you, probing you and having you tell me things you’ve never told anyone else

I miss when you slip from your Canadian accent to your South African one, something you only do with me when talking about pain

I miss the way you cringe when I call you honey and babe

I miss being with you, feeling your presence and understanding your mind

I miss you so, so much